Distances.
Here,to the people decided to fill the emptiness in our lives caused by others’ absence.
Over there,people decided to leave like “we” were never a thing,destroying everything,leaving every damn thing behind and just..go.
The common thing between those two types of people is how we were distant and how we became distant.
I mean distance makes you see things differently,The people who were once the closest,might not be your people. The people who were far from being in your circle,are now the ones who lift you up!
It’s not only about distance between humans,it’s about being distant from anything.
The distance you create between you and your biggest fear.
The distance you create for anyone who dares to come near.
The distance you create between you and your passion because they thought it’s crap!
That distance you create for yourself and you’ve actually lost the map.
One step closer,could make magic,could change worlds,could be the reason why they stand head over heels for you,and clap!
I’ve lost so many friendships more than I’ve earned one. I got used to those kind of losses. When it comes to my soul,it ain’t resisting anymore. I felt distance was growing so much bigger between me and my beloved ones then I forgot about them,all of a sudden.
I’ve witnessed what distance has done to my passion towards things I loved doing and how feeling guilty faded just by the tick-tocks of my clock.
I’ve said goodbye to every dream I had,I grew the distance and yes,I had another ones coming,filling the same emptiness caused by people leaving my life.
The only distance I’m still resisting to break, is the one between me and my dear self.
Why? Why would I feel so connected, close to any stranger than to my inner self? Why do I dive so deep in each one’s ocean of secrets and when it comes to mine,I drown. So the next time I think of diving into my soul,I keep the distance,I fear to dive, I refuse,so I die,within me.
It’s like I’m building high walls of strong glass,the more you try to break it,the more it breaks me inside. It’s somehow connected to me,just like my soul burried inside of my body,the more questions I ask, the more guilt I feel,the more distance I create,I’m just chaining it till it can’t bleed anymore.
I’m breaking those strong high walls,I’m cutting those chains,I’m running down all that distance between myself and I,just to shake hands peacefully with myself,promising no more distances,no more hurtful words,no more neglecting,just embracing how different I am. Just accepting that it’s okay to change. They will judge,and we all know what judgements are based on,SHIT.
Well at the end,it depends on what you distant yourself from and how you handle everything in the absence of that thing.
When I first thought of “distances”, I couldn’t stand still,I lost control,it was too horrible to think for a moment that one day,something you really cherish,won’t be there any longer.
Now when I think of the word “distance” I see something different,I even distant myself from everything every once in a while and I magnetically come back to what was mine from the very start.
If only we focus on the bigger picture from a bit further angle,we would see so many things,we would understand how superficial we were.
Watch yourself from a distant place,see your picture from a different angle.
Am I growing older or am I growing pale?
I took a look back on the past eighteen years I’d lived,compared to who I am today,nothing really changed to my inner child,I can’t accept the fact that by every day passes,I grow older; instead,I found the pain is the one who really grew bigger and deeper.
My life,thankfully,isn’t as miserable as it seems to be. My soul is. What makes me the saddest ever is,people never noticed how miserable I am, people never heard my soul crying for help. I never wanted to turn into grey that early,when all the crowd are proving me wrong that those are supposed to be the happiest of my days.
People are two types; some grow out of pain,some grow within the pain. I was chosen to be the latter.
Pain isn’t that bad,I consider it as a very harsh reminder that I’m human with emotions,it is “harsh” but still a reminder.
There was a time of my life where I,unfortunately,felt every little tiny thing. I whipped over people who left,dreams that were far from being true,failures,disappointments and heartbreaks. I had my tears streaming during my moments of success as well, I felt the joy filled my soul till it choked me.
Regarding the current time,I’m not me. I’m someone who’s insensibly feels anything,I had my emotions turned off,completely. I watch people come in my life and I welcome them,I watch the same people leaving with a smile and a wish; a wish that their lives wouldn’t be as pale as mine,a wish that they wouldn’t ever turn off their emotions,like I did.
I’ve never tasted being old and wise, they say it’s not that easy. What I say and from what I’ve tasted,growing old isn’t what people really fear,it’s the paleness that comes along. It’s how you feel lifeless when you’re still,alive.
Balancing both sides would maybe turn into a war that never ends. But in order to survive,you have to taste the pain. In order to live,you have to die. In order to gain,you have to lose.
Growing older isn’t a loss,losing your colours is.
It’s one of my theories that when people give you advice, they’re really just talking to themselves in the past.
Mark Epstein (via quotemadness)
quotefeeling